Introduction

They say a picture is worth a thousand words…

“If My Art Could Talk” 
is a memoir
a document
a raw creative expression
a peek behind the curtain
a face without makeup
a bra removed after work 
a flower stripped of its petals
a caption beneath a photograph
a story told by an old sage
a spell cast by a witch
a curse upon abusers
a love note to a child
a good old-fashioned cry
a hug that somebody needs

— why

every single work of art
embodies fragments of my heart:  
a bleeding vessel that has been
shattered and sold and sewn 
back together again with love. 

like a scavenger, collecting
leftover fragments of my stories,
grinding them into a fine powder,
creating a substrate from scratch,
infusing it with blood, sweat and tears,
concocting a potion, a chemical reaction!

trauma and nature mingle like lovers,
transforming bleak pain into vivid color.
when raw emotional material is laid bare
upon a blank canvas
magic is created,
and healing begins. 

— painting with my heart’s fragments

if my art could talk,
it would tell you about
the time that my father 
stole my earnings
in high school
from a business 
that didn’t legally exist
to pay unpaid bills
that didn’t really exist
to fund an addiction
that he pretended didn’t exist.

or the white tiger painting
that I made as a child
sold for $75 as a child
but later regretted as an adult
because what’s $75 compared to
two decades of an absent, sick mother 
never taking “no” for an answer 
to the ignorant question:
 “can I have it?”

my art will also sing you sweet love stories,
tell you about the community 
that nurtured the gifted art kid 
growing up in a broken home.
selfless teachers that mobilized
families that stepped in
a principal and a guidance counselor
that paved the road out of hell
and an after school club
that saved my life.

my art will absolutely yap about friends
that showed me the meaning of family
women that filled my maternal void
and my grandmother 
whom taught me how to draw.
it would speak of an old legend
“the book box” 
containing my earliest illustrated stories
written in her beautiful handwriting.

I once dreamed of a series called
“all the places I’ve lived”
but I got caught up in the details of
“what does it mean to be homeless?”
I routinely travel back in time
many houses, couches
few that felt like home
I dream of how I’ll visualize these places
externally, creatively
with honor and reverence
as I bring you into my painted world.

“If My Art Could Talk”
is living visual memoir
a new form of art
that has been begging me 
for a long time now
to take up 
more
         space

— prologue